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 SurfaceAgentX2Zero |
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Posts: 5668 (01/07/09 08:37:54)
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Make the most of it, Skerritt. She will love you like no other until she is 10. Then she will spend the next 10 years thinking you are a no-nothing,
embarrassing, old cunt. But she will still be happy to gouge money out of you.*
*I was going to say 'touch you for a few quid', but there are some very suspicious people on here. |
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The Skerrit |
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Posts: 4151 (01/07/09 08:50:08)
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Yep.
When I first met Mrs Skerrit Mk II she had in tow a beautiful, demure eight year old whom I grew to love as one of my own. She's now nearly 13, is as tall as me and behaves like that Harry Enfield Character believing that the whole world is aganst her, despite having her own laptop, wireless internet, a top of the pops mobile and not too much in the way of draconian parenting. Any advice given to her though, is filed under "That's so unfair" Got a detention for not doing your homework? Maybe you should have done your homework, then. "That's so unfair" No, you are not allowed to walk home at 11.00pm from the school disco. I will collect you in the car. "That's so unfair" Drew, I think six consecutive hours of Drake and Josh and Hannah Montana is sufficient. After this episode I'm putting the football on "That's so unfair" Repeat ad nauseum. etc. We joyfully packed her off to France for three days this morning, having handed over the best part of £250 to the school and £40 in spends. "Lauren's got £50!! That's so unf..." You get the point. When her Dad comes to pick her up from the house, or I collect her from his place there's an unwritten mutual appreciation society between us about how much she'll cost for that particular week. Exile assures me that it only lasts until they go to University, then they love you again. Only they use the love as an excuse to fleece more wedge out of you, naturally.... |
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Exile |
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Posts: 3408 (01/07/09 09:15:33) The Colonel
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Yes skerrit, you are entirely correct there...
PS I was kind of joking re the "until they're 10" bit - but its true to say the only people who think children are wonderful are their own parents |
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Dan M the Second |
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Posts: 4350 (01/07/09 09:34:00) Solo Artist |
If my eight-month old lad booted the cat he'd be straight over the fence to live with the scary old neighbour and his apparently "invalid" wife
who you never ever see. The cat's been with us for longer, doesn't wake me up in the night or make me scoop shit out of her cleft, hasn't taken
ownership of my wife's bosom and has zero interest in sucking any electrical equipment at all, so at the moment she's slightly senior in the household.
Eventually the hierarchy will change. Well, most probably. It never did at my Mum's house, where I'm still third behind the moggy and Neil Diamond.
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A Man of Constant Sorrow |
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Posts: 6633 (01/07/09 09:34:42) Got his
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That's the key Exile - too many parents who cannot understand why everyone else doesn't love their little brat the way they do.
Baby fascists I call em... |
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Still Hack |
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Posts: 8454 (01/07/09 09:40:17)
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Sounds like there is definitely something very wrong with my boys (no surprise there). G has shown precious few signs of becoming "Kevin", neither
has he ever muttered the "un..." word.
We never ever let our kids misbehave in public. Ever. If you couldn't actually see G standing in front of you, you wouldn't know he's in the room. Might have something to do with the fact I draw blood every time they misbehave... |
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A Man of Constant Sorrow |
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Posts: 6634 (01/07/09 09:40:23) Got his
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Dan M the Second wrote:But it's still a cat. And I bet the fucker doesn't shit in your garden does it? No, they go elsewhere - like the back of my garden where I have to clear up the mess and put up with the stink. More importantly, they will also go places where other peoples children might be playing. Anybody who doesn't fancy their child having toxoplasmosis shouldn't have a cat... |
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SurfaceAgentX2Zero |
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Posts: 5669 (01/07/09 09:44:36)
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I've got no particular problem with people having one cat. In that case they usually shit in their own garden.
What pisses me off are the quarter-wits that acquire more than one of these solitary animals. 'For company' or so their spoilt brats can have one each. What I really can't understand is, what sort of man is the father that allows this? |
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A Man of Constant Sorrow |
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Posts: 6635 (01/07/09 09:47:31) Got his
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SurfaceAgentX2Zero wrote:I'm guessing this might be a Dag sort of person? |
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Dan M the Second |
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Posts: 4351 (01/07/09 09:47:33) Solo Artist |
My cat is not a fucker. She's a little princess. I'm not sure she even defecates, we think she may pop off to a very small clinic for a colonic.
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SurfaceAgentX2Zero |
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Posts: 5670 (01/07/09 09:53:41)
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A Man of Constant Sorrow wrote:To be fair, Dag is very grounded on this type of matter. And anyway, Dag Junior would probably have sold them as soon as they had their eyes open. |
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The Skerrit |
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Posts: 4152 (01/07/09 09:56:02)
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SurfaceAgentX2Zero wrote: Cunt off. You know and I know that she bought two. *seethes* |
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A Man of Constant Sorrow |
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Posts: 6636 (01/07/09 09:57:02) Got his
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Dan M the Second wrote: Your cat is not a princess, it's a cat. A scratchy, furry, stinking, shitting, selfish ball of hate... |
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Simba |
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Posts: 2606 (01/07/09 10:02:33) Fingers A Green Bird |
Ralph Milne wrote: I always think most live music comes across shit on the TV. I've been to loads of gigs and festivals to in the past, taped the coverage and found it sounded nothing like it did when I was there. A few acts sounded alright on the Glastonbury coverage though, I just think it's down to getting the sound levels right to suit it being taped. I enjoyed what I saw of Neil Young and thought Rockin In The Free World was really good until he kept finishing and going into the song again, found that really embarrassing. |
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SurfaceAgentX2Zero |
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Posts: 5671 (01/07/09 10:04:10)
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I don't have a cat and don't want a cat. But my sister had one when I was a kid, so I do know about cats.
What I like about cats is that they are a scratchy, furry, stinking, shitting, selfish ball of hate... That's a good thing. They also demand feeding and fuck off to live with the mad woman over the road if the grub isn't up to scratch. Dogs lick you. Especially if you don't like them. And leap up at you place their front paws unerringly and forcefully on your bollocks. Which is worse. Or they bite you, which is worse still. Sorry, Skerrit. I didn't know you had two cats. But, you know I'm right. Get yourself a hessian sack, some string and a couple of house bricks, mate. There are plenty of ponds near Harlow. |
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Dan M the Second |
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Posts: 4352 (01/07/09 10:07:47) Solo Artist |
A Man of Constant Sorrow wrote: ... and Emily loved him. |
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The Skerrit |
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Posts: 4153 (01/07/09 10:09:40)
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Just before she ran up and kicked him in the bollocks......
Very good Dan. A sort of Bagpuss of our times. Bagpuss is now a Grey Tabby Professor Yaffle a left-wing conspiracy theorist and all the mice around the mouse organ, actually revealed as theieving pikeys.... |
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Dan M the Second |
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Posts: 4353 (01/07/09 10:19:39) Solo Artist |
To tell the truth I was only thinking of Bagpuss and remembered your protegé's name after I'd posted it.
Still, feel free to use my lad's name wherever you feel. Mordechai-Paolo will love the attention. |
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Big House |
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Posts: 3365 (01/07/09 10:29:30)
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Simbs, one thing that I've been meaning to ask you for some time. You're a gigger, obvs, but how do you handle such frequent exposure to the other
"gig people"? Using a BBC sessions thingy of a PJ Harvey show (now there's a question, btw) as an example, I could hardly watch for all the
shivering & cringing I was doing whenever they panned to the crowd of 20-30-somethings nodding along. And I couldn't work out whether the ones with the
good sense to at least look self-conscious & uncomfortable while doing it were worse or the ones with no shame. I'm sure they're all lovely people
once you get to know them, but it ruined the whole thing for me.
What do you do at gigs, Simbs? What do YOU do? |
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The Red Card |
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Posts: 1430 (01/07/09 10:41:57) Who's the daddy? |
My daughter was 5 only last week and Mrs Red Card is due to give birth again on the 18th of this month, this time to a boy. Have to say that I've enjoyed
every moment of being a dad so far.
The Mrs has cats which I inherited when we met, fortunately the cunts are getting old and will hopefully die very soon. |
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