It's now 2017 in New Zealand and I'm in a rather plush hotel for my brother-ln-law's wedding. This means that I have perfectly acceptable internet and can enjoy a stream of us putting many Abou-inspired goals past Brom.

It's a lovely affair here and I've made the effort with my new suit. I keep getting told by my Kiwi family that I'm dapper tonight. I must stop making all those rape jokes.