Football's theory of relativity
During the early part of last century Albert Einstein shocked the scientific community with his special theory of relativity which claimed that time is relative.
Since most of us have no interest in physics besides how a footballer's boot imparts momentum on a round ball there is no need to explain the details of this genre of relativity, although an investigation into football's special theory of relativity is downright fascinating.
This footballing theory of relativity simply states that the bounty put on a footballer's head has nothing to do with his true value, therefore making prices relative.
For instance: Although Darren Bent and Thierry Henry were sold by their respective clubs for the tidy sum of £16million, no one truly believes that these strikers share the same ability. Martin Jol spent the aforementioned sum on a player who will in all likelihood spend most of his time on the bench. Meanwhile, Frank Rijkaard bought a complete and world class forward for exactly the same amount.
It's all relative then, since other explanations for this absurdity holds no water. The Henry deal specifically is quite amusing since it makes a mockery of classical economics' notion of supply and demand.
The Bent deal continues the trend of English players demanding inflated prices. Parallels can be drawn between designer labels and the tagline of "England international".
Big labels mark up otherwise nondescript apparel by printing their brand on said item. Similarly, clubs that employ talented English players, and especially ones with international caps, use the same concept to mark up their prices.
This has been antithetical to recent trends in the transfer market where prices took a dip following the big splurge initiated by Real Madrid a few years back.
Other variables which have promoted further relativism in transfer prices include Chelsea's skullduggery and profligate spending, although Roman Abramovich's recent stinginess seems to indicate that these days are well and truly over.
But as one falls another picks up his gun and carries on fighting. The latest, in a plethora of multi-billionaire club owners to parade their wealth are the American duo of Tom Hicks and George Gillett.
The Liverpool owners can't think of anything better to spend their money on than to purchase Fernando Torres. Wild media speculation claims the Anfield club will spend £27 million on the Spanish striker which has proved to be a dose of Prozac to generally taciturn manager Rafa Benitez.
The Atletico academy graduate is seen as a possible panacea to the Reds' striker woes as they search desperately for someone to take up the mantle of Michael Owen - the club's last great goalscorer.
The 23-year-old faces a difficult task as the club have signed a string of strikers in recent years, from Emile Heskey to Djibril Cisse and Fernando Morientes, who have all failed to impress at Anfield.
Nonetheless, since the Premier League lost its biggest star Henry to La Liga, it is only fair that someone moves in the opposite direction.
Manchester United did manage to sign two starlets for just a few million more than Torres' valuation which further affirms the theory of relativity. But then again, I'm no Einstein.
By Richard Ferraris
During the early part of last century Albert Einstein shocked the scientific community with his special theory of relativity which claimed that time is relative.
Since most of us have no interest in physics besides how a footballer's boot imparts momentum on a round ball there is no need to explain the details of this genre of relativity, although an investigation into football's special theory of relativity is downright fascinating.
This footballing theory of relativity simply states that the bounty put on a footballer's head has nothing to do with his true value, therefore making prices relative.
For instance: Although Darren Bent and Thierry Henry were sold by their respective clubs for the tidy sum of £16million, no one truly believes that these strikers share the same ability. Martin Jol spent the aforementioned sum on a player who will in all likelihood spend most of his time on the bench. Meanwhile, Frank Rijkaard bought a complete and world class forward for exactly the same amount.
It's all relative then, since other explanations for this absurdity holds no water. The Henry deal specifically is quite amusing since it makes a mockery of classical economics' notion of supply and demand.
The Bent deal continues the trend of English players demanding inflated prices. Parallels can be drawn between designer labels and the tagline of "England international".
Big labels mark up otherwise nondescript apparel by printing their brand on said item. Similarly, clubs that employ talented English players, and especially ones with international caps, use the same concept to mark up their prices.
This has been antithetical to recent trends in the transfer market where prices took a dip following the big splurge initiated by Real Madrid a few years back.
Other variables which have promoted further relativism in transfer prices include Chelsea's skullduggery and profligate spending, although Roman Abramovich's recent stinginess seems to indicate that these days are well and truly over.
But as one falls another picks up his gun and carries on fighting. The latest, in a plethora of multi-billionaire club owners to parade their wealth are the American duo of Tom Hicks and George Gillett.
The Liverpool owners can't think of anything better to spend their money on than to purchase Fernando Torres. Wild media speculation claims the Anfield club will spend £27 million on the Spanish striker which has proved to be a dose of Prozac to generally taciturn manager Rafa Benitez.
The Atletico academy graduate is seen as a possible panacea to the Reds' striker woes as they search desperately for someone to take up the mantle of Michael Owen - the club's last great goalscorer.
The 23-year-old faces a difficult task as the club have signed a string of strikers in recent years, from Emile Heskey to Djibril Cisse and Fernando Morientes, who have all failed to impress at Anfield.
Nonetheless, since the Premier League lost its biggest star Henry to La Liga, it is only fair that someone moves in the opposite direction.
Manchester United did manage to sign two starlets for just a few million more than Torres' valuation which further affirms the theory of relativity. But then again, I'm no Einstein.
By Richard Ferraris
